Changing Perspectives... on Masculinity

*Content warning: this article talks about gender-based violence and deaths, and contains spoilers to Adolescence.

For months, I wrestled with how to write about masculinity and gendered violence. I kept circling the issue, unsure how to make sense of what I felt – or how to say it in a way that mattered.

The release of Netflix’s Adolescence a couple of months ago shifted something, bringing the conversation to the mainstream. Around the same time, I worked on a project that echoed many of the same themes. Together, these moments helped clarify what I’d been trying to articulate for months.

There’s constant conversation about toxic masculinity and violence against women –yet much of it is dismissed or ignored by men. But have we really done enough? As of early May, 24 women have been killed by violence in Australia. That number speaks for itself.

So what can a gay man add to this conversation? It’s a fair question. Gay men are, statistically, among the least likely to perpetrate this kind of violence.

And yes, not all men are violent. Gay, straight, or anywhere in between.

But all men are shaped by masculinity. And all men have a role to play in rethinking what it means.

How masculinity shapes us
In most cultures, men are expected to be the providers, the protectors, the achievers. These roles come with pressure, often unspoken. But when that pressure has no outlet, it builds up. It gets internalised; and sometimes, externalised – as rage, control, and violence.

I’ve felt those pressures too – even if they didn’t always look the same.

Growing up, I had to pretend I wasn’t attracted to guys. I was the only son to the only son in the family – expected to lead by example. At uni, I made disrespectful jokes I didn’t believe in, just to fit in with the boys. At work, I stayed in the closet; I pushed myself harder than I should have, because I thought that was what being a man meant. And I didn’t allow myself to show vulnerability, even when I was at my lowest.

Not to excuse the choices I made, but at the time, I thought it was the only way to be a man.

One of my favourite moments in Adolescence comes in the final episode, when the father breaks down crying. In that moment, we see him finally come to terms with what his son did, and what he didn’t do as a parent. It hit me hard. That moment wasn’t weakness. It was honesty and vulnerability. And through that vulnerability, there was strength.

The media industry’s role
The media industry has a big part to play in all of this.

Yes, we’ve come a long way; media agencies have a female-majority workforce. But there is still work to do: leadership representation, the gender pay gap. And just as importantly, rethinking how we raise the next generation of men in this high-pressure industry. How do we help them succeed, without reinforcing the same outdated expectations we’re trying to unlearn?

A recent report found that 68% of young Australian men engage with harmful masculinity influencers. That should concern all of us.

We need to think about the media choices we make – the platforms we support, the environments we fund, the content we help amplify. What we promote matters. And what we fund becomes what society sees as normal.

Towards a heathier masculinity (and industry)
As an industry, we have both the responsibility and the power to create the kind of media environment we want the next generation of men to thrive in.

A recent campaign I worked on – yet to launch – focused on how societal expectations shape boys and men, encouraging them to redefine masculinity on their own terms, challenging them to rethink what it means to be their true selves – not just who they’re expected to be.

It’s proof that to shift masculinity, we can’t just point fingers. We need to invite men into the conversation. Listen to their pressures and work alongside them.

We can’t control the toxic voices out there. But we can amplify the kind of programming, partnerships and content creators that reflect the heathier values. That’s the part we can control.

Why this matters to all of us
Not all men are violent. But all men are shaped by the same culture. And all men can be a part of the change.

Last November, many of us at OMD joined The Walk Against Family Violence in Melbourne. Over 8,500 people showed up – many of them men. It was powerful to witness and a reminder that change is coming.

Four days later, the 57^th woman was killed in 2024 due to gender-based violence.

We still have work to do.